Being...Me

 Recently, I made the tough decision to leave the school I work at.  I decided to look for one that would be a better fit for my personality.  I applied to three other schools and landed interviews at all three! I was so surprised!  Not that I think I did not deserve it or anything like that.  I know that I am pretty good at what I do. It is just so hard to land a position in my field, so to get call backs at every school I applied to was very shocking to me.
    Typically, I go all out when prepping for my interviews.  If you follow the blog, you should know by now that I am super analytical and obsess the smallest, most crazy details that the average sane person does not think about.  I real deal stalk the place I am applying to see what time I need to leave home, come up with questions to ask to show my interest, memorize vision statements, mission statements, the whole nine.  
       True to form, for my first interview, my nerves were on FIRE.  I started my prep work and even called one of my friends to talk about it.  She said something so simple to me that changed my entire outlook on the process. "Dee, you know your job.  You will be fine."  With that, I re-evaluated my whole life.
      She was right.  I DO know my job.  I know it well.  There was really no need for me to be on so many pins and needles!  My thoughts changed from fears of not getting the job to fears of getting the job due to selling an image to get it and not liking the job because IT was never a good fit for ME.
      So many times in life, I have modified myself.  I modified myself to present myself to get a job when I pretend I want what the company wants.  I have modified myself for relationships to get and or keep the man.  I even modified myself in friendships and in my family to fit in.  And it has never been worth it.  
    I have ended up miserable in jobs because our values did not align. I have felt completely misunderstood and marginalized in my family.  I have had relationships and unfortunately a marriage end because although we had great fun together, we ultimately wanted different things and had no way of compromising without giving up huge parts of who we were.  Pretending to be someone other than who I am or not being clear about what I want lead me back to square one of whatever endeavor I tried to camouflage to be apart of. 
    I am at a point in my life now where I recognize the loss of an opportunity is not always a loss.  Sometimes it is a blessing.  Looking over my life, I am reminded of situations that I wanted so desperately to work that did not and how I was spared of something I did not even know I was being spared from.  I know that I never would have closed some of the doors on my own that were shut that pushed me in a greater direction in life.  Because of that, I know that if I miss an opportunity because someone feels I am not what they are seeking, it is ok.
    That logic made me comfortable to be me.  And me I was.  I went into each interview confident in my skills. Confident in who I am.  Confident in my abilities.  Confident in my future.  I was vocal about what I wanted and my vision for my program I would implement.  I was honest.  I was 100% me. I was offered two of the three positions!
    I am by no means saying we should just go into situations and let it all air out.  I still did my research so that I would know if each school truly was a good fit for me or not.  I did not walk into my interviews in my sweats, t-shirt, and adidas (even though I have a friend who did that recently as well and landed the job)!  I still believe in putting your best foot forward in all that you do.  I just think it should be your best authentic self.  That way the world can respond and love you for your genuine self.  Like the quote says, "Be you! Those who matter won't mind and those that mind don't matter!"