"Your Girl is Lovely Hubbull"- For Women Who Are "Not Easy" in Relationships

I am that girl that sits and watches every Sex and the City marathon. I own so many seasons (some I borrowed and have not returned) but yet and still I can’t help but park in front of the TV on Saturdays when E! or Oxygen have their marathons. No matter how many times I have seen an episode, there is nothing better than watching Carrie and the girls navigate love, sex, and well, the city. In this particular episode, Carrie decided that she wanted to be friends with Big after a nasty break up, knowing he was now involved with someone else (my thoughts on exes being friends I shall deliver at a later date). They meet for dinner and he informs her that he is getting engaged to someone he has been involved with for six months. Naturally devastated, Carrie does what she and the crew always do…lick their wounds and hash it out over some fancy meal at a posh restaurant with cosmopolitans. While hashing it out, Carrie recognized that she was Barbara Streisand in The Way We Were. She was the passionate, grab life by the horns, not always politically correct, curly haired woman who was probably just too much for Hubbell’s/Big’s conservative nature. Carrie meets up with Big for one last conversation to let him know she is no longer angry and to apologize for lashing out at him upon learning of his engagement. She asks the burning question…”Why her?”. Big confirms what Carrie acknowledged at lunch. Because Natasha was easy and Carrie was…challenging. Carrie then dramatically puts her hand to his cheek and says the famous line from the movie, “Your girl is lovely Hubbell”. Big tells Carrie he doesn’t get it. And before she turns to walk away, she smiles and says, “You never do”.

Oh but how many life lessons are in this story line! I should make a category on the blog for Love & Relationships as told by SATC because the lessons are plentiful! For the sake of time and your attention span, I will only address my top 3 take away points from this episode: easy is relative, did he seriously call her difficult, and clearly easy don’t always cut it (clearly, I have issues with the whole easy/difficult woman tagline).

Take away 1: Easy Is Relative. I would have liked Big to clarify this for me. I was a little offended for Carrie. I love Carrie! I never thought anything she did with Big was difficult. In fact, I have always thought she made life so easy for him. If being difficult is asking to meet your mom after x amount of months of dating, being informed you are moving to Paris prior to the day before, wanting you to have a drink or two with my friends, and listen to my speech at a wedding and stay long enough to eat a slice of cake, then I can only imagine how difficult I am! I am so glad the writers kept going with the story line because hearing or believing that because you expect someone to do what they say they will and respect you as well as communicate effectively makes you difficult sets you up to be that girl that gets absolutely no respect. And be cheated on repeatedly and not only suffer the embarrassment of a failed marriage because your husband does not respect you and cheats on you continuously, but you also break your nose when you catch his mistress in your apartment! I think in this scenario, I’ll take difficult for $500 Alex! Sorry Natasha! Hopefully next time you will demand more respect.

Take away 2: Did he seriously call her difficult? We have already established this is the man who refused to introduce Carrie to his mom (even when she was literally in her face at church), refused to go around her friends, moved to Paris and gave Carrie a one day notice (didn’t he do this several times-the moving without notice thing?), and was a self-proclaimed commitment phobic. Let’s not even mention the fact it took them ten years to get engaged and he STILL left her at the altar! He did not even get out of the car! But Carrie is difficult? It is a huge pet peeve of mine when people expect something from others they are not willing to give. I am so glad Carrie was strong enough to say “that is fine” and move on to men who loved her….difficultness (?) instead of taking his words and changing who she is inside to placate him. She was able to identify herself as a passionate soul. She did not take on his definition as difficult. And she earned so much respect from me for that one. Because if anyone is “difficult”, it was Big. And he should be grateful she loved his difficult a….um..ok. Next take away!

Take away 3: Easy don’t always cut it. I absolutely love how the writers brought this story line full circle. I do not like that Carrie cheated on Aidan. I am all team Aidan over here in case you cannot tell. But I do love that after Big chose his “easy”, he saw that “easy” is not always better and could not leave Carrie alone. It shows that sometimes, people do not know what they want. There could be some deep rooted psychological stuff going on here, or it could be just that it is a t.v. show, but regardless of the analytics, Big saw that his easy was not what he wanted and eventually manned up (thanks to Carrie keeping it moving when he could not be happy with who she was) and learned to commit (unfortunately at the expense of Carrie’s youth).

Unfortunately, easy ended up embarrassed and divorced with a broken nose. Yet Carrie Bradshaw forever remained Carrie Bradshaw. Even in marriage. The huge take away from season 2 episode 18 is, be you! Do not try to change who you are to make life “easy” for someone else, especially someone who does not reciprocate the gesture for you. The person who truly loves you will love the good, the bad, the ugly, and the, ahem, difficult. If someone does not love those things, maybe they just need to find someone else. And instead of begging them to choose you, place your hand to their cheek affectionately (even though you probably want to do so with intense force), smile politely, and let them know that their girl is lovely.