Most parents dread the delightful birds and the bees conversation. They stress from before conception that awkward moment their child will ask, "Mommy where do babies come from?" Maybe it is the counselor in me or the all knowing sage who loves to share my brilliance, but I am actually excited about the day I can sit down with my kid and talk the pees and ques of the xyzs. While most parents preach about contraceptives and STD's, I plan to take my speech one step further. I plan to discuss with my son the emotional dangers of pre-marital sex. If you want a creative spin to the traditional talk, feel free to borrow from my bullets below!
1. You rob your wife of a very sacred wedding gift. God designed sex for marriage. The marriage bed is undefiled. You were created for one person and your wife was created for you. When you sleep with anyone other your wife, it is considered adultery. Even if you are not married. Because you are only supposed to enter your wife. Unfortunately, everyone does not always wait, like the person you are currently looking at. And honestly, when you give yourself to others, it is not fair to your wife. Because the gift you two should be sharing on your wedding day, you have already shared with others prior to (and maybe even with each other prior to your wedding day which makes your wedding day sex not so special).
2. You assume responsibility for that young lady's self esteem. When you sleep with a young women (ESPECIALLY if you sleep with her knowing you do not even care about her enough to commit to her), you are teaching her a lesson about herself. She will come to believe that she is not good enough. Not good enough to be a wife. Not good enough to be a girlfriend. You may set the tone for her to sleep with other men who do not respect her while she continues to try to earn appreciation or earn their love and attention by wearing less clothes or working over time to prove she is good enough. Because you have taught her she is nothing more than what is between her legs instead of confirming for her, "You are a beautiful soul worth waiting for. Maybe no one has ever told you before, but you do not have to sell yourself short by using sex to prove your worth. Because you are worth so much more than just sex and a friends with benefits situation."
3. Soul ties are real. Everyone has some form of baggage. When you sleep with people, you tend to take on their characteristics. When you sleep with a woman you have not taken the time out to get to know, you have no idea what she is bringing to the table. Maybe she has been molested or raped and now you have her baggage inside of your heart (or if you are having casual sex with her once again you are continuing the cycle of using her for her body and disregarding her). Maybe she has some intense anger issues under her pretty face and one day you may wake up to slashed tires (and I guarantee you Mama aint buying you no new ones over some foolery). You have to be careful who you lay down with to prevent allowing damaging spirits into YOUR spirit. It is so preventable by saving yourself but if you cannot or just refuse to, at least be selective about who you share yourself with and take the time to genuinely get to know her first.
4. Sex ALWAYS complicates things. Your friends will tell you it is does not. Some girls who want you badly will also tell you they will not allow it to complicate what you have going on. But the reality is that it will. Because sex is an act God designed for marriage, feelings will grow on someone's end. And unfortunately, there is no guarantee those same feelings will grow on the other person's end at the same rate. Or that the other person is in a place of maturity where they can handle the EXTRA feelings that come with sex. Sex is like a drug. And no one who does drugs will ever tell you drugs have never complicated their life. Except maybe druggies in denial. Sex creates a psuedo-euphoria. You will think you feel things you don't feel (like love). You will make bad decisions you would not have made if your mind was clear (staying in unhealthy relationships) and make bad judgement calls (sleeping with women you KNOW you wouldn't dare bring home to me).
5. Two LITERALLY become one. Pre-maritial sex is so crazy because so many so many men (women too but this conversation is focusing primarily on my son) sleep with women that they do not want to be in a relationship with let alone spend their life with. Yet they complain when they have that "crazy baby mama". Well son, I pray you never bring home a baby with a psycho girl. Because I will tell you it is only your fault. You chose to sleep with this person you did not care enough to marry and clearly did not know and created this life with her.
So many people are concerned about STDs and Zika virus but do not stop and think about the baby..one of the greatest purposes of marriage. You are not only tying your soul but tying DNA. And THAT should NEVER be taken lightly. Regardless of the birth control and the condom usage, a life is still possible with every form of birth control except abstinence. And a baby is a HUGE responsibility. I know this one first hand because we got pregnant with you four months before our wedding. And although you are our greatest gift ever in life, our first year of marriage was so much harder than it had to be because we did not wait. We would not change you for the world, but it is your father and I's desire that your life is easier by having wisdom we either did not or ignored.
5. You set the tone for your future children. It always goes back to someone else because your decisions are ALWAYS bigger than you. ANYTIME you have sex, you run the risk of having a child. And generational curses are real. Your father and I pray hard and work hard to change our actions and allow God into our hearts so that our curses will not effect you. If you have a child while you are a child, how can you teach that child to be a man? If you are in a stage of life where you want to run wild and are ignorant as you may some day have that phase, once again, what will you teach your child? You cannot teach your boy how to man when you are not a man. You can not teach your boy self control when you lack it and are sleeping with every Molly and Sue who walks by. You want your future little one to love God and honor him? I need you to set the tone by loving God and honoring him with your body and saving yourself and those babies for your beautiful wife that I will try hard not to be mean to because deep down inside I will always feel like she isn't good enough for my wonderful boy ;).
