When Steph Curry made his MVP speech and thanked his wife for holding down the fort, I admit I blushed. When they made a video of Ayesha throwing confetti on him after he lost a game, I admit I thought it was the cutest act ever. I secretly got my life with every dubsmash they posted acting silly. And although I love that Ayesha is never afraid to be herself (and is raising their daughter to be confident in herself as well), I do not believe the Curry's are #relationshipgoals. And this is why.
In a world where everyone wants a certain type of love that seems to be elusive, we tend to gravitate towards couples who put their love on display. What goes unknown is the struggle that couple had to endure to become who they are. With romantic comedies and sappy love songs, we have been disillusioned to believe love should look a certain way. We are often disappointed when what we see is not what we get. Instead of adjusting our expectations accordingly, we decide that the relationship we currently have must not be right and terminate it instead of working to better it.
Now we have social media to make matters worse. A platform for people to upload their cute family pics and post the happy moments. But we do not see the REAL moments. We see Jay looking adoringly at Bey while she shines in the spotlight. But we never see what their home life is like nor know who Becky with the good hair is. We see Gabby and D Wade posting the most adorable videos and having so much fun, yet we did not see what happened that lead to their breakup and him fathering another child.
I read an article on how Ayesha Curry is teaching wives to be supportive women. It stated that she does not nag Steph and takes care of the house while he goes out and does his thing. It stated that the kids don't see her tear him down and that it takes nothing to be calm during the storm. Although I respect where that article was going, the reality is we only see snippets of their life. None of us genuinely know what is going on in their marriage. We only see the good.
On a post Ayesha wrote for her blog on New Year's resolutions, she wrote "less nagging" at the top of her list. She also stated in a post written for Steph on their anniversary that he is the "reason for her temper tantrums" and she doesn't "understand how he stays so calm in all situations". In my opinion, that shows that although she is a great wife from what we see and know of her, she is also human just like so many other great wives, who like me, probably felt less than after reading that article because we tend to struggle with "nagging".
In no shape, form, or fashion am I trying to discredit the author of the teaching wives to be supportive post. Everything she said about striving to be a supportive wife is true! What I AM saying is by making someone else our "relationship goals" based on clips of their personal lives they decide to share with us via social media, we are putting a heavy strain on their relationship. After all they are only human! Suppose they fail? Then what happens to your #relationshipgoals? Do you lose hope in marriage?
In addition to that, we are setting ourselves up for failure to expect to have what they have. It is no secret that I love Heather Lindsey. IF I had a goals, it would be her and her hubby. I see people commenting on their posts all the time that they are #goals. One thing I love about the Lindseys is they lay it all out there! Heather has a vlog in which she states they have all kinds of boundaries! No friends of the opposite sex, they have to be home by 5p.m., no hanging out late with friends unless they are all together, no praying for people of the same sex and so on. I appreciate the fact that she and her husband are so candid and share the not so good things. Becauseof their openness, they show HOW they manage what they have. BUT.
But are these really goals? Are the people who want what she has willing to put in the work she has to get what she has in those instagram pictures? As for Steph and Ayesha, maybe Ayesha is able to allow Steph the time he needs for his craft because he has never damaged her trust. Or maybe she doesn't mind the hours because she is somewhere near by at practice. Maybe she is a super hot head and he is just great at ignoring her "tantrums". These are the things we do not know when we deem people "goals". So naturally what works for them may not work for us.
Today, I challenge every person with a "goals" couple to evaluate what it is about that couple that they deem goals. Then identify your own goals whether they are relationship or marriage. Once you do that, compare that to God's goals for marriage and relationships (and if you do not know God's goals for marriage or relationships go back to the beginning of my challenge and make that first because His goals are where it starts). Is what you are doing currently helping you achieve YOURS and GOD's goals or taking you away from what it is you want? What can you do differently to get YOUR goals? Feel free to share in the comments!
